Dear Diary,
When I was a child, I didn’t know if one day I would be able to speak. I remember the eagerness to speak and want to sound like the other children in my class; however, reality hit me when I attempted to spoke. I got frustrated, upset, and some days I felt defeated. However, flash forward, and Apraxia never was going to determine my future- I was going to determine the future about Apraxia.
I was an anxious child. I never knew when the next word would come out, and if it did, would I be able to articulate it fully? The comorbidity of Anxiety sat ride beside my Apraxia. So, every day, I was fighting a battle with not only my motor planning speech disorder but also my brain.
Whenever I could speak, I remember feeling a sense of relief. And when I could really speak, I would be so over the moon; it was this new level of excitement. The level of excitement would make me so beyond happy.
But, I didn’t always know if one day I would be able to speak or feel these emotions. I remember having nightmares of me losing my voice. The panic, the silent grunts, and everything I experienced as a child would revisit me in my dreams. An unwanted visitor I wanted to slam the door on and tell them never to return.
I use to look back at my child self as a person who was weak as a teenager. It’s a terrible way to view yourself, but I did at this point in my life. But as I’ve grew older, I’ve found that my voice is my strength— a strength I can use to not only help myself but also to help others.
But one of the most beautiful things I’ve discovered is that I earned my voice. And now that I’ve earned my voice, nobody can take that away from me.
Because I didn’t fight for my voice for nothing, I fought for my voice so one day I could encourage others to use theirs.
Love,
Jordan Christian